Monday, May 25, 2009

In My Sleep

The trouble sleeping is nothing new, neither is the reverie. However, I've traded bad dreams for great nightmares. It's a good thing I learned long ago that a good night's rest is highly overrated, I'd rather be awake and thinking than asleep and letting my mind torture me. When I'm awake, I can choose not to have any emotions but after my eyes get heavy, everything I touch, I feel. I'm in a weird place right now. Too well off to even see rock bottom but saddled with enough obstacles that I wonder if I'll ever reach the summit. I'm always the first one to help someone up when they get knocked down but I'm realizing now that I don't want any help myself because for someone to help me up, it means they would have to witness my fall. I'm not comfortable with that. Ideally, I don't want to fail at all but in the event that I do, I don't want it to be a spectacle of any sort. Maybe I'm wrong about that, maybe I'm wrong about you, maybe I'm wrong about me...Maybe I should sleep on it.

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