Saturday, January 20, 2007

Have you ever taken a walk? Well obviously you've taken a walk but have you ever just started walking with no specific destination in mind? You just needed to get the fuck outta wherever you were at the moment so you just start walking and then at some point, usually after you've calmed down from whatever emotion made you take off in the first place, you look around and realized how far you've actually gone. It is at this point where you can turn around and go back or keep walking. This pretty much sums up the past 2 years of my life and I've now reached that point where I'm looking around and I realize the progress I've made in those past 2 years. I've had a lot of ups and a lot of downs, I've taken steps forward and been knocked back a few as well, but all in all, I've know more now than I did then and the knowledge has been worth all the hardship and all of the pain. When faced with the choice of turning around and walking back to where I started or to keep walking to parts unknown, I'll take my chances with the unknown. Nothing wrong with keeping life interesting y'know

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

How many times does one have to be betrayed before he develops serious trust issues? I think I just found the answer. I always had faith in people. A belief that some good still lies in everyone, that everyone has common sense and decency. I was wrong but what's even worse than being wrong is that it took me so long to realize that no one may possess these qualities anymore. I let a lot of people take advantage of me because I did not want to accept the fact that those people who claim to be on your team are nowhere to be found unless it's convenient to them. There is no more forgiveness left in me, no more trust. I've had to push so many people away because I just can't trust them anymore and it's no fault of their own. I've never been one to live in the past but there are only so many times I can fall for the same trick over and over again, I'm not letting anyone get close to me again. If you think you can live with that, by all means, try your luck but I'm guessing that it's not that fun being in love with me when I could barely give a fuck. I've always been the one to do something drastic to get something done. Shutting myself down emotionally is about drastic as it can get.