Monday, December 15, 2008

One year ago yesterday, we lost a close friend. Lost but never forgotten.

R.I.P. Glenn "Omodiende" Reitz

I Am Not My Body

By Glenn “Omodiende” Reitz

I am not my body
I am not weak,
weak with fatigue, weak with atrophy, weak with limbs that give out well before the job is done, quivering and panting.

I am not my body
I am not dying, decaying, degenerating
debilitating, disease-ridden, dissolving, disappearing…
slowly, like blood stains on the sidewalk, bleaching under footsteps and the daily sun –
until one day you just notice that they’re gone
and you can’t remember who left them, who died.
All you can remember is that the crime scene jammed traffic for blocks, the sudden stop/start of the bus spilling coffee on your shirt, and making you late for work.
You remember that.
Curious, though, the coffee stain is still there, no matter what you do –
just keep your jacket closed so no one sees.

I am not my body,
I am not slowly slipping into shadows
Losing brightness and luminosity
Sinking in obscurity and the sussurus of memory.
I am not my body
slowly wearing out like an eraser on the pencil of a writer
leaving bits and pieces of myself behind, evidence of mistakes and redirected thought,
wearing slowly to a useless nub.
If I would write less perhaps I would last longer, maintain my shape, my form, my bodybut the writing serves a purpose, if only to make the eraser useful.
And the writing I can’t stop.

I am not my body
I’m a shining, luminous creature, strong and vibrant
casting shadows of my own illuminesence
burning into minds and onto paper
growing stronger every day.
My appetite and capacity feed cravings that direct me and empower me
imparting flight to me like that of hummingbirds – no,
not stupid hummingbirds but honeybees.
Swarming out from hidden places, taking sustenance and energy from everywhere they stop to feed, yet always leaving something fertile and productive,
bits and pieces left behind. They, too, serve a purpose.
but even bees are gone at sunset, fly to shadows ‘fore the night arrives
So maybe then I’m not a bee, or hummingbird.
But I am damned sure not my body
I’m not.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Life is like a train ride

Life is like a train ride.
We get on. We ride. We get off. We get back on and ride some more. There are accidents and there are delays. At certain stops there are surprises. Some of these will translate into great moments of joy; some will result in profound sorrow. When we are born and we first board the train, we meet people whom we think will be with us for the entire journey. Those people are our parents!

Sadly, this is far from the truth.
Our parents are with us for as long as we absolutely need them. They too have journeys they must complete. We live on with the memories of their love, affection, friendship, guidance and their ever presence.

There are others who board the train and who eventually become very important to us, in turn.

These people are our brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances, whom we will learn to love, and cherish.

Some people consider their journey like a jaunty tour. They will just go merrily along.

Others will encounter many upsets, tears, losses on their journey.
Others still, will linger on to offer a helping hand to anyone in need.

Some people on the train will leave an everlasting impression when they get off….

Some will get on and get off the train so quickly, they will scarcely leave a sign that they ever travelled along with you or ever crossed your path…

We will sometimes be upset that some passengers, whom we love, will choose to sit in another compartment and leave us to travel on our own.

Then again, there’s nothing that says we can’t seek them out anyway.
Nevertheless, once sought out and found, we may not even be able to sit next to them because that seat will already be taken.

That’s okay …everyone’s journey will be filled with hopes, dreams, challenges, setbacks and goodbyes.

We must strive to make the best of it… no matter what...

We must constantly strive to understand our travel companions and look for the best in everyone.

Remember that at any moment during our journey, any one of our travel companions can have a weak moment and be in need of our help.

We too may vacillate or hesitate, even trip… hopefully we can count on someone being there to be supportive and understanding…

The bigger mystery of our journey is that we don’t know when our last stop will come. Neither do we know when our travel companions will make their last stop. Not even those sitting in the seat next to us.

Personally, I know I’ll be sad to make my final stop…. I’m sure of it! My separation from all those friends and acquaintances I made during the train ride will be painful. Leaving all those I’m close to will be a sad thing. But then again, I’m certain that one day I’ll get to the main station only to meet up with everyone else. They’ll all be carrying their baggage… most of which they didn’t have when they first got on this train.

I’ll be glad to see them again. I’ll also be glad to have contributed to their baggage… and to have enriched their lives, just as much as they will have contributed to my baggage and enriched my life.

We’re all on this train ride together. Above all, we should all try to strive to make the ride as pleasant and memorable as we can, right up until we each make the final stop and leave the train for the last time.

All aboard!
Safe journey!!


Thursday, December 04, 2008

Maybe I'm on a spaceship

As I get older, I'm coming to terms with the fact that there are not that many choices in life. That great cliché we were all taught when we were young about there always being a choice? Not entirely true, probably something meant to help us develop a conscience but there will come a day when out of desperation that you will do something you don't necessarily want to but you have to in order to protect your assets, your loved ones or your livelihood, sometimes all three. The lack of choices isn't solely a situation that you will only encounter when you're on the defensive either. Sometimes it is about following orders to protect ya neck or staying away from your kid because of what a malicious ex wants and what a judge dictates. I can keep drawing up scenarios but I don't think that would be necessary, you can all think about a situation you were recently in where you had no choice in your actions or the outcome. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm on a spaceship

Monday, November 03, 2008


You know very well that this is about you and you should know why. If, for whatever reason, you do not know what this is all about then I think I've made my point.

No need to remove your coat
No need to take off your shoes
Usually you could stay but not today,
not today no
This place is no longer yours and
I left your things here right by the door
Please don't be that way not today, not
today no
Our love is such a rush
But inside its slowly killing me
Nothing more for me to say but not
today, not today no
So we must say our goodbyes
To all of the pain and the lies
But nothing's been more true, than
these words to you

I've been changed and rearranged and
It's not like it was before
And when the sun shines
I'll show her why
She can't keep me anymore

Saturday, July 05, 2008

What to the slave is the Fourth of July?

FELLOW CITIZENS, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here today? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and natural justice, embodies in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? And am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

Would to God, both for your sakes and ours, that an affirmative answer could be truthfully returned to these questions! Then would my task be light, and my burden easy and delightful. For who is there so cold, that a nation's sympathy could not warm him? Who so obdurate and dead to the claims of gratitude, that would not thankfully acknowledge such priceless benefits? Who so stolid and selfish, that would not give his voice to swell the hallelujahs of a nation's jubilee, when the chains of servitude had been torn from his limbs? I am not that man. In a case like that, the dumb might eloquently speak, and the "lame man leap as an hart."

But such is not the state of the case. I say it with a sad sense of the disparity between us. I am not included within the pale of glorious anniversary! Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you, this day, rejoice, are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity and independence, bequeathed by your fathers, is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought light and healing to you, has brought stripes and death to me.

This Fourth July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony. Do you mean, citizens, to mock me, by asking me to speak today?

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FELLOW CITIZENS, above your national, tumultuous joy, I hear the mournful wail of millions!--whose chains, heavy and grievous yesterday, are, today, rendered more intolerable by the jubilee shouts that reach them. If I do forget, if I do not faithfully remember those bleeding children of sorrow this day, "may my right hand forget her cunning, and may my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth!" To forget them, to pass lightly over their wrongs, and to chime in with the popular theme, would be treason most scandalous and shocking, and would make me a reproach before God and the world.

My subject, then, fellow citizens, is American slavery. I shall see this day and its popular characteristics from the slave's point of view. Standing there, identified with the American bondman, making his wrongs mine, I do not hesitate to declare, with all my soul, that the character and conduct of this nation never looked blacker to me than on this 4th of July!

Whether we turn to the declarations of the past, or to the professions of the present, the conduct of the nation seems equally hideous and revolting. America is false to the past, false to the present, and solemnly binds herself to be false to the future. Standing with God and the crushed and bleeding slave on this occasion, I will, in the name of humanity which is outraged, in the name of liberty which is fettered, in the name of the Constitution and Bible which are disregarded and trampled upon, dare to call in question and to denounce, with all the emphasis I can command, everything that serves to perpetuate slavery--the great sin and shame of America!

"I will not equivocate; I will not excuse"; I will use the severest language I can command; and yet not one word shall escape me that any man, whose judgement is not blinded by prejudice, or who is not at heart a slaveholder, shall not confess to be right and just.

But I fancy I hear some of my audience say, it is just in this circumstance that you and your brother abolitionists fail to make a favorable impression on the public mind. Would you argue more, and denounce less, would you persuade more, and rebuke less, your cause would be much more likely to succeed.

But, I submit, where all is plain there is nothing to be argued. What point in the anti-slavery creed would you have me argue? On what branch of the subject do the people of this country need light? Must I undertake to prove that the slave is a man? That point is conceded already. Nobody doubts it. The slaveholders themselves acknowledge it in the enactment of laws for their government. They acknowledge it when they punish disobedience on the part of the slave. There are 72 crimes in the state of Virginia, which, if committed by a black man (no matter how ignorant he be), subject him to the punishment of death; while only two of the same crimes will subject a white man to the like punishment.

What is this but the acknowledgment that the slave is a moral, intellectual and responsible being? The manhood of the slave is conceded. It is admitted in the fact that Southern statute books are covered with enactments forbidding, under severe fines and penalties, the teaching of the slave to read or to write.

When you can point to any such laws, in reference to the beasts of the field, then I may consent to argue the manhood of the slave. When the dogs in your streets, when the fowls of the air, when the cattle on your hills, when the fish of the sea, and the reptiles that crawl, shall be unable to distinguish the slave from a brute, then will I argue with you that the slave is a man!

For the present, it is enough to affirm the equal manhood of the Negro race. Is it not astonishing that, while we are plowing, planting, and reaping, using all kinds of mechanical tools, erecting houses, constructing bridges, building ships, working in metals of brass, iron, copper, silver and gold; that, while we are reading, writing and ciphering, acting as clerks, merchants and secretaries, having among us lawyers, doctors, ministers, poets, authors, editors, orators and teachers; that, while we are engaged in all manner of enterprises common to other men, digging gold in California, capturing the whale in the Pacific, feeding sheep and cattle on the hillside, living, moving, acting, thinking, planning, living in families as husbands, wives and children, and, above all, confessing and worshipping the Christian's God, and looking hopefully for life and immortality beyond the grave, we are called upon to prove that we are men!

Would you have me argue that man is entitled to liberty? That he is the rightful owner of his own body? You have already declared it. Must I argue the wrongfulness of slavery?…To do so, would be to make myself ridiculous, and to offer an insult to your understanding. There is not a man beneath the canopy of heaven who does not know that slavery is wrong for him.

What, am I to argue that it is wrong to make men brutes, to rob them of their liberty, to work them without wages, to keep them ignorant of their relations to their fellow men, to beat them with sticks, to flay their flesh with the lash, to load their limbs with irons, to hunt them with dogs, to sell them at auction, to sunder their families, to knock out their teeth, to burn their flesh, to starve them into obedience and submission to their masters? Must I argue that a system thus marked with blood, and stained with pollution, is wrong? No! I will not. I have better employments for my time and strength than such arguments would imply.

What, then, remains to be argued? Is it that slavery is not divine; that God did not establish it; that our doctors of divinity are mistaken? There is blasphemy in the thought. That which is inhuman cannot be divine! Who can reason on such a proposition? They that can, may; I cannot. The time for such argument is passed.

At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. Oh! Had I the ability, and could reach the nation's ear, I would today pour out a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake. The feeling of the nation must be quickened; the conscience of the nation must be roused; the propriety of the nation must be startled; the hypocrisy of the nation must be exposed; and its crimes against God and man must be proclaimed and denounced.

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WHAT TO the American slave is your 4th of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciations of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy--a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour.

Go where you may, search where you will, roam through all the monarchies and despotisms of the Old World, travel through South America, search out every abuse, and when you have found the last, lay your facts by the side of the everyday practices of this nation, and you will say with me that, for revolting barbarity and shameless hypocrisy, America reigns without a rival.

Fellow citizens, the murderous traffic [the slave trade] is today in active operation in this boasted republic. In the solitude of my spirit, I see clouds of dust raised on the highways of the South; I see the bleeding footsteps; I hear the doleful wail of fettered humanity, on the way to the slave markets, where the victims are to be sold like horses, sheep, and swine, knocked off to the highest bidder. There I see the tenderest ties ruthlessly broken, to gratify the lust, caprice and rapacity of the buyers and sellers of men. My soul sickens at the sight.

Fellow citizens! The existence of slavery in this country brands your republicanism as a sham, your humanity as a base pretence, and your Christianity as a lie. It destroys your moral power abroad; it corrupts your politicians at home. It saps the foundation of religion; it makes your name a hissing, and a byword to a mocking earth. It is the antagonistic force in your government, the only thing that seriously disturbs and endangers your Union. It fetters your progress; it is the enemy of improvement, the deadly foe of education; it fosters pride; it breeds insolence; it promotes vice; it shelters crime; it is a curse to the earth that supports it; and yet, you cling to it, as if it were the sheet anchor of all your hopes.

Oh be warned! Be warned! A horrible reptile is coiled up in your nation's bosom; the venomous creature is nursing at the tender breast of your youthful republic; for the love of God, tear away, and fling from you the hideous monster, and let the weight of twenty millions crush and destroy it forever!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Between women and money.

As I assume new roles and responsibilities, the work piles up higher and higher and from under the pile I find myself looking for sources of motivation, something that keeps pushing me towards tomorrow. I will tell you something, between women and money, there is nothing harder to acquire and hold on to than motivation. Although for some, they need no more motivation than women and money, however, it runs a little deeper than that for me. My life revolves around more than just women, money and cars. Don't get me wrong, I like money, hoes and clothes as much as the next man but that's not enough to drive me in the day to day grind. I need so much more than that, I need to know that I'm putting my all into everything I do, I need to be better than everyone around in at least one thing and I need to know that what I'm doing today will have ramifications on what I do tomorrow. After all, if you're not fired up with enthusiasm, you will be fired...with enthusiasm.
The tree that doesn't bend breaks.

I'm trying to ease up a little, slow it down and enjoy life some more. Contrary to popular belief, I do not spend my days sitting in a bunker writing angry letters but I'm doing my best to stop reflecting that image to those around me. I've learned that I have to stop sweating the small stuff or everything is going to overwhelm me. I can't let that happen anymore. However, there is a flip side. I'm not for the bullshit this year and there is some shit I simply will not let slide. That doesn't mean that I'm going to let those things consume my life or stop me from what I'm out here to do. I'm just not going to have it. I'll even ignore it completely if I have to, in fact, I already have. Some people are going to wake up and realize that they no longer exist to me because bend too far and you've already broken.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Here's what they think about you.

I think so of you may be confused. I'm simply a young black male who can constructively speak his mind, I never said I was Earl Monroe (Black Jesus, in the likely event that that one went over your head). I'm not here to save you all and I'm not running out to engage complete strangers in debates about every issue under the sun. I am standoffish and at times, even anti-social. I don't open up and share my feelings on the spot to just anyone, anywhere (what do you think this blog is for after all?) I don't trust many people because the people who are supposed to have my best interests at heart and want the best for me, don't. Everyone out here pretty much has the same goals in mind (money, hoes and clothes), they just have different means and methods at their disposal in order to arrive at this destination and I don't mean to alarm you but I'm no different. My weapon is just a pen rather than a Glock. There are times when I can't rely on anyone, including myself. I hate my emotions and I wish I could do something to separate myself from them, I find that they impede my progress. I don't smile very often...There's nothing nice to smile about.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

I constantly catch myself thinking about my virtues, as well as my vices, and debating whether or not I am a "good" person. But what makes a good person? And who is it up to to decide who is good or not? And what in the hell gives them that right? I know that what constitutes good to me is different than that of the person next to me but virtues aren't open for discussion or interpretation, you either possess them or you don't. However, being virtuous has nothing to do with your genetic makeup and everything to do with how you were raised and the environment you find yourself in. You cannot teach people a virtue by requiring them to read books about it. You can only teach a virtue by calling upon people to exercise it. Virtue is not an innate property of character; it is an attribute of behavior and the only reward of virtue is virtue. In order to have a friend, you must be a friend.
Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put my childish ways behind me.

I don't think that there are any other words that better describe my coming of age and parth to manhood than these. I don't remember much about my childhood but I do recall the "learning experiences" I embarked upon (In other words, every time I fucked up). Most of these missteps and miscues were the result of inexperience and naiverty on my part and I learned most of my lessons the hard way but I'm a better person for it. You may say that not trusting people is not the most endearing personality trait to possess but I've managed to stick around by not putting my faith in people and letting time dictate what kind of role certain people will play in the movie that is life (you honestly couldn't write some of the shit I've seen). What I mean by that is take the time to figure people out (because it's not rocket science), observe how they treat you and the people around them and watch how they act under and react to, pressure. I honestly and whole-heartedly believe that last one is the ultimate telltale way to find out details about someone that words could never reveal. I would be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes miss the simplicity of childhood but it's too late to go back nor would I want to, I'm having too much fun without knowing what's coming up around the corner. Oh, and I almost forgot to address something off-topic but relevant to this conversation. A lot of people who read what I offer in this space think I'm cold-hearted and go around saying as much. I would like to remind them while true, you don't even know the half of it...You haven't even factored in the wind chill.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Survival ≠ Strength

I don't know if people have been listening to too much Kanye West or what, but simply showing up and sticking around does not make you harder, better, faster and it certainly does not make you stronger. Overcoming obstacles and persevering through the hardships life throws at you is definitely something to be proud of and by all means, you SHOULD pride yourself on it to the fullest but do not mistake that for empowerment. It takes a lot more than just withstanding a challenge to grow as a person. In face, if you do not learn from the mistakes that cause the strife in your life in the first place, you'll end up taking more steps backward than forward. I've always said that the hardships and obstacles encountered each and every day are life's way of testing us, finding out what we're made of and seeing if we'll crack under the pressure. However, although these tests are, for the most part, inevitable, there are many challenges that are preventable or even avoidable altogether. On top of that, it is absolutely inexcusable to allow the same mistakes to repeat themselves and cause the same setbacks. Yes, everyone makes mistakes but only a fool makes the same mistake twice. To effectively grow as a person, you must look back at what you've done wrong and identify what you could have done differently. Without evaluating situations, you cannot take any information from the scenario and no matter how many times you'll get burned, you'll keep doing the same over and over again. You must adjust and adapt in order to advance. Don't for a second think that just because you've had a rough ride in life and you managed to stick it out and hang around means that you're any better than you were before. Simply showing up doesn't mean shit.