Sunday, April 29, 2007

I guess I've been detached lately. Not really there for anyone or anything. Putting work in front of everything else because it's the only thing in my life that won't catch feelings about something I do. I think once and for all I need to take a step back and figure out what is important to me and what it is I have to remove from my life because I can't straddle the fence forever. The worst part is that every part of me is pulling in a different direction. Kyron Dwight John is thriving right now because he has no distractions. He's worked the past 15 days straight with no time off and none in sight for the next 5. He gets up each day for this, he lives for this. Proving every ounce of his worth through his craft and when he gets to focus, he can do anything. Partisan John is going to miss the early morning subway ride where he can catch up on his reading but hopefully it allows him to get the much needed rest he requires to keep the master plan moving. Blaxx was quite fine on top of the fence. In fact, Blaxx is pretty much comfortable anywhere you put him, his ability to adapt to every situation thrown at him is the trait he prides himself upon most. I am nothing more than the sum of my parts, take it or leave it. Each one comes with the other 2

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I have always been an advocate of having to try a ting every now and again so I engaged myself in a little experiment. I would ignore all the little things that bother me and see if it improved my life and my relationships with other people. At this point, I will call this a failed experiment because it hasn't worked. Letting things slide is pretty much the same thing as encouraging such behavior and it doesn't make it any easier to handle. So what have I learned from this experiment despite its failure? First and foremost, you cut people out of your life for a reason. No one deserves a second chance under any circumstance and yes, that includes myself. I've afforded myself more 2nd (and 3rd and 4th and sometimes 5th chances) chances just on being me, not because I changed, not even because I had shown that I am capable of change. I don't even know the true reason why to tell the truth. I'm no fucking good but people don't heed to warnings. I liken it to when my grandmother told me not to touch the stove but I went ahead and touched it anyway. Only difference is that I embraced the pain and got used to it. Yall just resent me for it