"I'm on the outside, I'm lookin in. I can see through you, see your true colors"
What are you supposed to do when your self ain't reliable? When the only person you've ever trusted is your self but now you can't trust your own judgment? You reach that fork in the road and you go left because the last time you went right you didn't like the outcome, even if it was the best case scenario. How about when you push people away because you're not in control of the situation that you're in? Even if you'll regret those decisions when the smoke clears and the dust settles. You start lying to yourself, trying to take solace in the fact that you now have nothing to lose and you're better off alone anyway but you can only mask the truth for so long. So you get devoured by your thoughts and can't focus. You're tired, can't sleep. Hungry, can't eat. Having panic attacks all night and can't concentrate during the day. You even have doubts about asking for help. Is your best friend going to actually listen and provide some real help or is he going to try to take your mind off it with humor like always? Can you talk to "her" when she is half of the problem? Do I tell her that? Do you go back to therapy to hear what they "think" is wrong with you? Will you just walk out in the middle of a session again? Nope, I thought you'd agree, so I keep it all to me. At this rate, I won't be here much longer because I'm destroying myself.
"My worst enemy is myself. Word to myself"