Monday, January 05, 2009

Can't win for losing

I always have a goal in mind regardless of what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and who I'm doing it with. There is certainly nothing wrong with being goal-oriented but sometimes I stop looking at all the steps between where I am and where I want to be. I always want to get there now, overlooking the consequences of my actions in the meantime. Things get said that really aren't meant and shouldn't have been said in the first place, people get uneasy, feelings get hurt. Worst of all is the fact that I'm always so hard on myself. I can't help but take things personally, no matter what kind of front I put up. If I don't get my way I feel like a failure and as often as I talk to you within these pages, you know how much I hate to fail. Today was one of those days, when I saw my goal and only my goal, and I didn't stop to think about what course of action I was taking. Only thing is now I feel tentative about going forward. I don't just feel like I lost, I feel like I can't win.

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